Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
