I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
