my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
