Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
