i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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