I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
