and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You pole danced in your parka.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
