It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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