I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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