That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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