Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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