How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
