Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
