whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
