I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
