She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
then he tried to convert me to islam
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
FUCK WHALES
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