Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
