I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
