bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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