I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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