Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You dont lie about slip and slides
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
