Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
