why didn't you poke me back
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Drunk is not a location!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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