There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
