I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
