I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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