i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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