i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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