I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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