how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
