My nipple is on Facebook.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
