There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
