i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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