You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
