shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didn't notice because vodka
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
