wrigley field is MILF paradise
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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