what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
