You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
