you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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