So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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