matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
