Dual....:-)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
