At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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