How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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