it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
