This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
