It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
