worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
