he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
