She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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