I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
