at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
