yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
