Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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