I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
