its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
